Twenty Things
by Bailadora
Summary: Booth knows better than anyone just how challenging it is to spend the day with Dr. Temperance Brennan.  So how does he do it?


**A/N: This is the twentieth story I've posted since joining the site in March, so I thought I would write something to commemorate that. Hope you enjoy, and don't forget to leave a review!**

I entered the lab with a grin plastered on my face. For some reason I was in an amazing mood. The sun was shining, birds were singing, and I had just dropped Parker off at school after spending a great weekend of fishing and swimming with him.

Seeing my partner just heightened my mood. Bones was bent over an examination table, bum out in the air, pencil tucked behind her ear. My grin grew and I quietly made my way up to her.

When I was close enough I could see that the remains were fully skeletal, devoid of all tissues and tendons, or whatever it was that you found on dead bodies.

I greeted her by placing my hands on her waist and leaning over to whisper "hey" in her ear.

**#1. Don't Sneak up on Her**

She greeted me with an elbow to the kidney.

"Ow, Bones!" I said, backing away.

She whipped around, fire burning in her eyes.

"What was that for?" I asked.

Seeing that it was just me, she turned back to the bones. "Maybe you shouldn't sneak up behind me," she reasoned, fingering a tibia.

I rubbed the spot she had elbowed, which was rhythmically pounding out my heartbeat. "Point taken."

I watched her work for a little longer. She's so methodical, documenting each bone with deliberate care. I gingerly took a step closer and peered over her shoulder, wanting to see what exactly she was doing. She heaved a sigh and turned to face me.

"Do you need something?"

**#2. Don't Get Invade Her Personal Space**

I smiled and took her hands in mine, knowing she would hate it. She did.

**#3. Even Though it's Fun to Make Her Mad, Make Sure You Don't Make Her **_**Too**_** Mad**

Seeing the scowl on her face, I dropped her hands. She tucked them into her pockets.

"We have a case," I said.

I could swear that I saw a flicker of excitement cross her face.

**#4. For Some Reason Unknown to Me, She Loves Cases**

The look was gone and she was calm and collect once again. "What kind of case?" she asked, trying to seem like she didn't care. She was handling the bones again, but I could tell that she wasn't really paying them any attention. That attention was now focused on me.

I scratched my head and when I spoke it was in a more relaxed tone. I wanted to see if I could get her to turn around to face me again. "I'm not sure. They wouldn't tell me. Just said a body was found and they needed their favorite forensic anthropologist. We should probably get going. Can you leave this guy here?" I pointed to the bones.

She snapped off her latex gloves. "It's a girl." She indicated the pelvic bones. "See how the width of the–"

"That's great, Bones, but we really should get going."

She frowned at me. "You stalled long enough before. I just have to–"

"Bones, this guy–girl–has obviously been dead awhile. Come on, let's go." I grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her along behind me. She recovered her balance and ran along beside me. It only took her a second to break my grip on her arm.

"Jeez, you don't have to be so violent," I muttered, now rubbing my sore wrist.

We kept up the fast pace until we came to Zach. She slowed to talk to him "Would you take care of the cemetery remains for me please? I just need them put back in storage." We only saw Zach nod before hurrying on.

"Booth, why are we in such a hurry?" she asked once we were safely buckled into my SUV. I shrugged and peeled out of the parking spot. She slumped back into her seat, arms crossed over her chest. Neither of us spoke for a few moments before she finally broke the silence. "Where are we going?"

"West Virginia," I replied, pounding out a beat on the steering wheel.

"Why?"

I took my eyes off the road to look at her. "Because they found a body."

She sighed. I thought I heard her say "Obviously" but I could have been wrong.

We drove on in silence for a while. At one point she reached over to turn on the radio. I sang along. She did not.

Then next time I looked over at her, she was gazing wistfully at my crotch. Startled, I made sure that she really was staring where I thought she was staring. She was.

"Uh, Bones? You okay?"

She quickly tore her gaze away from my crotch and her eyes met mine. "What?"

Needless to say, I was unsure how to broach the subject. "Um, whatcha thinking about?"

She didn't hesitate. "Why won't you let me have a gun?" She looked back down at my holster.

**#5. Don't Get Her Started on Why She Doesn't Have a Gun**

I let out a breath, unsure whether to be relieved or disappointed. I fingered the gun at my side. "Bones…"

"I know, I know, you don't want to talk about it." She was right. I didn't. "But I don't understand and I wish you would just tell me."

"Bones–"

"I think it would make more sense for me to _have _a gun." She no longer appeared to be talking to me, but to herself. "And I know how to shoot one. I can take care of myself. I just need a gun."

I shook my head.

"Fine." She crossed her arms over her chest again and looked out her window in a stony silence.

"Bones, come on. Don't be like that," I said, glancing over at her again. She was leaning as far away from me as she possibly could, determined not to talk. I changed the subject. "Look, it's a beautiful fall day. This weather should be great for exhuming the body."

**#6. Don't Get Her Started on Anything. That Includes the Weather**

"The exhumation is _not_ going to be great because this _weather_ isn't great." Well, at least she was talking.

"And why is that, Bones?" I gestured up to the blue skies. "Look, no clouds."

She pointed over to a forest we were driving by. "Look, no wind."

"So, that means no stench of rotting bodies, right?" I wasn't really aware of what I was saying or if it was true; I just wanted to keep her talking.

"No, that means it's going to be hot." She was sitting upright now, no longer determinedly not looking at me.

"It is not going to be hot out, Bones." I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, it is," she insisted.

"It was really nice out this morning," I pointed out. "So it's not going to be hot."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not."

"When we get out of this car, you'll see just how hot it is."

I shook my head. She glared at me and turned the radio up louder. "When are we going to get there?"

I shrugged. "Soon, hopefully." I grabbed a pair of sunglasses off the dashboard and put them on. I noticed that Bones was squinting against the sun and indicated that she could wear my spare pair. She didn't make any move to take them, but the next time I looked up the too-large aviators were perched on her nose.

We drove on the highway in silence for another half an hour before I pulled off onto an exit. After going through a small village, I found the dirt road my boss had described and turned onto it. It led through another forest. The pine trees cut off the sunlight, which filtered through the boughs only in a few places and left everywhere else in darkness. Bones was eagerly leaning forward in her seat, looking out for the vans and cars that would give away where the body lay.

"Down, girl," I said.

She scowled.

The congregation of vehicles came into view. There was a van from the local morgue, two squad cars with flashing lights, and three media vans. Many people were milling around, most of them men. A few held coffees or doughnuts. Some held both.

"You can park over there." Bones pointed towards one of the squad cars. A man was waving us over.

"Why don't you let me do the driving?"

"Fine."

I drove up to the man and rolled down my window. "You can park there," he said, pointing over to the place Bones had told me to go. I could feel her smirking next to me.

"Thanks, Officer."

I parked and we hopped out of the car. Bones grabbed her bag before following. The first thing I noticed was how hot it was. Hot and sticky, the air heavy with humidity.

"Huh," Bones said.

"Don't even start."

We headed over towards the person who seemed to be in charge. Everyone else was coming to him, talking for a second, and walking away. When it was my turn, I stuck out my hand. "Special Agent Seeley Booth."

"Sheriff Jon Barker."

Sheriff Jon Barker was a big man. No, big wasn't the right word. Gigantanormus. As Parker would say, he was gigantanormus. The guy seemed to clear my head by at least a foot. Maybe two. He had thinning auburn hair and celery eyes and seemed to be a few years older than myself. I was slightly intimidated.

Sheriff Barker finished crushing my hand and turned to Bones. "And who might this young lady be?"

Bones began to introduce herself but I cut across her. "This is Bon– I mean Dr. Temperance Brennan. She's the forensic anthropologist you requested."

"But, I wanted a scientist," the sheriff said, looking skeptically at my partner.

"I am a scientist." Bones sounded like she wanted nothing more than to hit the man in the nose. I silently willed her to do so. I didn't like the way he was eyeing her up.

"But you're a girl." Her fists clenched.

**#7. So What if She's a Woman?**

As much as I wanted Bones to hit Barker, a part of me reasoned that hitting him would probably not be a great idea. "She may be a woman, but she's a damn good anthropologist."

For the first time that day, Bones smiled at me.

Barker still seemed hesitant. Bones sighed. "Could you please take me to the remains? I don't want to have to spend all day out here."

Barker took her hand, shook it, and echoed her sigh. "Body's over here." He walked towards the trees.

Bones and I looked at each other. We shrugged at the same time and trotted after the sheriff.

"How far along is decomp?" Bones asked him.

He stopped to look at her. "I don't deal with corpses very often." He turned and continued walking.

Bones raised her eyebrows at his back. "Remains," she muttered. "Not corpse." I didn't say anything.

Barker led us down a path that meandered through the pines. We walked in silence for a good five minutes before coming to a clearing roped off with yellow crime scene tape. There were fewer people here, only two that I could see. They came up to us.

The sheriff introduced them. "This is Cal," he said, pointing to a young man with brown hair and brown eyes hidden behind thick lenses. Poor kid. "And this is Megan." The girl had bobbed blonde hair and blue eyes.

"We're from the morgue," she explained as everyone took turns shaking hands.

Bones began talking to them as the sheriff explained that he was going back up to deal with the media. I was not disappointed to see him leave.

"… and we just finished grad school," the boy was saying. What was his name? Ken? Hal? Oh yeah, Cal. What kind of name is Cal?

"Do you have everything we need?" Bones was asking.

**#8. Miss Temperance Brennan Needs to Have Things Under Control. Namely Under Her Control**

"Yep. Body bag, tools, screen. We've got what we need." Cal answered.

"Camera?" Bones inquired. Megan lifted a Polaroid that was hanging from around her neck. "Good. Have you seen the remains yet?" Even though the sheriff was gone, she put extra emphasis on 'remains.' Cal nodded while Megan shook her head. "Okay, let's go."

Cal led the way to the middle of the clearing. We hadn't walked ten feet and I was sweating. I watched Bones wipe her arm across her face. Great. It was really hot out and we had to work without the cover of the trees.

We came to an abrupt halt. Bones pulled a pair of gloves out of her bag and knelt in the knee-high grass. I took a few deep breaths to collect myself and gather my thoughts. The smell wasn't that bad, so the remains were probably just bones, right? I looked down.

Wrong.

From the looks of things, the body hadn't been there very long, but it hadn't been a recent death, either. If I'd learned anything from the squints, it was how to date a body. These remains seemed to have sunken into themselves and the surrounding earth. I examined the clothes closer. Though they were full of bodily fluids, decomposed organs, and blood, I could see that the pants were blue jeans and the shirt had been green. The body wore no shoes. It's hair was matted with grass and mud, and I couldn't tell what color it had been. The eyes were gone. Flies swarmed around a dark spot on the left temple. Looking closer, I realized that the spot was a bullet hole, and that brain matter had left the skull there. A few tendrils still hung out of it.

"Good god, what _is _that?" I asked, backing away.

**#9. Don't Ask Stupid Questions**

"It's a body, Booth. If you can't handle it, go away." Bones didn't even look up at me. She examined the bullet hole and turned to Cal and Megan. "Let's get to work."

And they did. I supervised. Megan documented everything while Cal helped to pull off clothes and place them in evidence bags.

When all the clothes were off, Bones made her first observations. "Male, aged thirty-to-thirty-four…" I tuned her out. I had no idea how she could tell that this was a male. There was hardly any tissue to look at. I was about to ask how she knew when I remembered my own rule. "No Stupid Questions." If it cut into her time and was not relatively important, it was classified under 'Stupid.' So I would just have to wait until later.

The sweltering sun made its way to sit directly on top of us. Bones and the two others were still going to town on the remains and showed no signs of stopping. My stomach growled loudly.

"Come on, Bones. Let's go get some chow."

"Booth, I can't leave now. I'm busy. If you want lunch so bad go get it without me."

"Actually, I'm pretty hungry myself," said Cal. Megan agreed.

Bones insisted that she would continue to work on the remains. I insisted that she get something to eat. She finally gave in and followed me back to the SUV.

"Whatcha hungry for?" I asked once we were back on the road.

"Nothing," she grumbled. My sunglasses were back on her nose again, but due to all the sweat, they kept sliding down. She just kept pushing them back up.

"You've got to be hungry for something," I said, switching lanes.

"Nope, not really."

We kept driving until I came to a sign that proclaimed "Mama's Barbecue."

My stomach gave another loud protest. "How 'bout barbecue?"

"Sure." She didn't sound very enthused.

I parked and we went inside. Bones, having spent the last three hours examining a dead person, went to clean up. I found a booth and sat down. When a waiter came by and Bones wasn't back yet, I ordered our meal. She still wasn't back when the food came. I was just beginning to wonder if she had jumped out the window in the bathroom when she finally slid into the booth.

"You ordered for me," she observed.

**#10. Ordering For Her Isn't a Great Idea**

"Mmm hmm," I said in reply, tucking into a buffalo wing.

"Why?" she asked, placing a napkin on her lap.

I shrugged. "I was hungry and tired of waiting."

She seemed to take that as a sufficient answer and bit into her own wing. The next time I looked up, I noticed that she had let her hair down from its usually bun. A strand had fallen into her face. I across the table and tucked it back behind her ear.

**#11. Neither is Touching Her**

"Booth, what are you doing?" she sighed.

"Fixing your hair." I dropped my hand from her face.

"My hair is fine."

"I know. You look great."

**#12. Neither is Telling Her How Great She Looks**

She gave me a look that told me she clearly thought I was crazy and returned to her meal.

"So," I said, tucking into another piece of chicken. "Why did the blonde have square boobs?" I waited for an answer. "Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box."

Bones gave me a blank look.

"Because she _forgot to take the tissues out of the box._"

**#13. Blonde Jokes are Lost on Her**

"Why did she need tissues? Did she have a cold?"

"Um, no, she was stuffing her bra."

"Oh." She took another bite of her food. "Why does her hair color matter? I don't see the relevance."

I rolled my eyes.

When we finished she signaled the waiter. I paid the bill. "You in a hurry or something?" I asked as she practically jogged back to the car.

"Yes."

I had nothing clever to say to that. "So, where to next?"

"Um, back to the exhumation site."

**#14. Work Comes First**

"Aw, come on, Bones. We've been there all morning. I'm bored."

**#15. I Come Second**

"Well, that's too bad, Booth. Deal with it."

"I'm sure if you told Cal and Megan to finish up, they'd be happy to." I was driving in the direction of the site even as I spoke.

"I need to be there. I'm the anthropologist."

"Fine."

So, we returned to the site, checked in with the sheriff, found Cal and Megan eating brown bag lunches on the tailgate of the morgue van, and trudged back to the clearing. I waited for another four hours for Bones to collect all the data she needed. With the remains finally in the body bag in the back of my SUV, we headed back to the Jeffersonian.

"Why did we have to put the body in my car?" I complained.

"Because I offered."

"And why would you do that? My car is going to smell like dead body."

"No one else was making the trip to D.C. any time soon, and with gas prices so high I thought it'd be nice."

Once again, she left me with nothing to say.

I drove on. We listened to the radio after fighting about which station to chose. She won. We fought about who would win the Super Bowl. She doesn't even watch football, and yet she still won. We argued about the weather some more, about the body we found, about the bug that crashed into the windshield, about God. An hour later we arrived at the Jeffersonian.

"You don't have to come in," she said. "I'll just grab the body and you can head home."

"What? We're going to my place and having takeout."

"No, you're going home and I'm taking care of the body." She opened the car door, got out, and went around to the back to grab the body bag. I followed.

"Bones, it's seven o' clock. Most normal people are at home eating right now."

She heaved the bag out of the car. "I guess I'm not a normal person," she grunted. I grabbed the other end of the bag, vaguely wondering if I was holding the man's head or feet.

I didn't say anything more about dinner, and she didn't either. We took the body into the lab and laid it on a table.

"Might want to get someone to take this to the freezer," I suggested.

She gave me a glare and proceeded to unzip the bag.

"Okay, I'm giving you one hour. Then we're going." She ignored me.

It seemed that a dead body is like a squint magnet. Hodgins was the first one to be come over. Bones handed him the samples of dirt and insects she had collected. Hodgins took them to be analyzed. Zach was next. Bones pointed out a few of the bones to him, said something scientific. Zach nodded as if he understood. Bones told him that she wanted the bones cleaned as soon as possible. The body even attracted Angela. Or maybe it was the fact that I was still hanging around and Bones wasn't yelling at me. Yet.

After Angela left, I looked down at my watch. 8:23. ""Kay Bones, time to go."

"Booth, I–"

"Uh-uh. I gave you twenty-three extra minutes. It's time to go."

She took a second to decide whether or not to protest. "Fine." I grinned.

I helped her to re-bag the body and wheel it to the freezer. We dropped in to say goodnight to Hodgins before leaving. He hardly looked up from the soil sample he was examining.

There was barely any traffic on the roads as I drove back to my place. Bones was right behind my in her own car. She hung around behind me as I unlocked the door. When I got it open, she followed me in.

"I need to take a shower. Do you mind?"

I did not. She headed towards the bathroom. "Do you want me to order for you?" I called after her. She stopped to look at me.

"I honestly don't care anymore. Just get me something I haven't tried before." She closed the door behind her.

I found the phone and called for Thai. I ordered a few things off the menu that sounded different from what we had always had before. Then I sat down on the couch, turned on the television, and found a football game. Miraculously, the Packers were beating the Bears 21-14. I settled in to cheer on the underdogs.

As the doorbell rang, I was chanting 'Go Pack Go,' along with everyone else in Lambeau Field. Bones came out of the bathroom wearing one of my tee shirts as I was setting the paper cartons out on the coffee table.

"I hope you don't mind," she said, pulling at the shirt. I shook my head. She looked so much more comfortable and approachable outside of work. Her hair was still wet and hung from her head. It dripped onto the shirt. She watched me lay out the food as she twisted her hair into two braids. Then she sat down on the couch next to me, pulling the shirt down over her thighs as far as it would go. Which wasn't very far, to be completely honest. I handed her a blanket.

She chose a carton full of chicken. I grabbed one full of noodles and vegetables. After a few bites, we switched.

"I wouldn't eat that if I were you," I advised, pointing to an unidentifiable green vegetable.

**#16. Telling Her What to do is Like Telling a Four-Year-Old Not to Eat Glue**

"And why would that be?" The vegetable moved closer to her lips.

"It's really spicy." I ate a piece of chicken. Or was it pork? I wasn't sure.

**#17. She Secretly Wants You to Tell Her What to Do**

When I looked up again, the vegetable in question was lying under her napkin where she didn't think I would see. I decided not to say anything.

We finished eating and she helped to do the dishes. Meaning she threw all the cartons away. Then she sat down next to me on the couch and watched the game. The Packers scored another touchdown.

She yawned. "Booth, I really should get going." She started to stand.

**#18. No Matter How Much it Seems Like She Wants to Leave, She Really Wants to Stay; You Just Have to Talk Her Into It**

I grabbed her wrist. "No you don't. You can stay a little longer. I don't mind." She sat back down. After a few more minutes and a Bear field goal, she sunk into my side, her head resting on my shoulder. When I looked down at her, her eyes were closed. I smiled.

**#19. If She Falls Asleep on Your Shoulder, For the Love of God Don't Wake Her Up**

I stroked her hair. She had taken it out of the braids and it fell in waves around her face. She was so cute. Not that I would ever tell her that.

Cheeseheads screamed as the Packers scored yet another touchdown. This had to be a record.

I ran my thumb down her cheek and around her lips. She stirred. I quickly dropped my hand.

"Booth?" she asked groggily. She noticed that she was laying on me and sat bolt upright. "I really think I should go."

I looked at my watch. It was nearly eleven. "Really, you can stay. We can pull out the couch." She looked on the verge of declining and accepting.

"Please, Bones?"

She stood. "Thanks, Booth, but I'll see you tomorrow."

**#20. Last But Not Least, Don't Call Her Bones**


End file.
